Last night I had one of the best readings I have ever had in my entire life. He got darn close to 100% correct. There was one sentence — literally one sentence — that I can’t place, but that doesn’t mean it’s necessarily wrong. Everything else was amazingly spot on.
The reader’s name is Robert. He’s a ceremonial magician — and he’s the real deal. He maintains a blog called Doing Magick that definitely worth reading (start to finish). Lately he has been doing two other things: the Manifestation Meditation and soul readings. This post is about the soul reading he did for me.
The process was simple. We could have done the reading over the phone, but we decided to Skype. This was our first time talking. We’ve exchanged a few emails, but let me be clear: before this reading, Robert didn’t know me. At all.
We exchanged pleasantries, and then he spent about 45 minutes doing the reading. During this time I muted my microphone and took notes. I gave him zero feedback. He even had his eyes closed, so he wasn’t getting visual feedback either.
What I’m going to do is paste the notes in, more or less how I took them. Where I have commentary…
…I’ll use the quote feature.
Soul reading, 4/18/2012
My Nephesh seems clear. My automatic personality is radiating a lot of creative energy at the moment, and it’s trying to push down a lot of creativity. It’s doing it through a lot of mental processes. Nothing severely out of balance there. More like a lot of mental willpower being put into creating things and creating my life as I want it at the moment.
This is true. I have been completely focused on writing essays and stories and in creating the life I want to live.
There seems to be distrust for my intuitional side. It just hasn’t been used much. It’s weak from lack of use. There’s probably a reason for that. My mind is afraid of intuition because it can’t be processed and it doesn’t make any sense, so my lower mind does what it can to keep me from exercising that part of me. It’s an odd part to feel emotion from, but it’s consciously blocking the flow of energy to keep me from being intuitive, because it’s afraid it will lose part of itself if my intuition kicks in.
Again 100% true. He talks a lot more about this, but even at this point I knew he was right on the money. I was amazed that the reading forcused so much on my intuition, because that’s exactly what I’ve been focused on lately.
My intellect has a very strong reaction to intuition. Nothing to do with talent and everything to do with fear. My Nephesh is leaning to the left, catering to my intellectual side. My intellectual side really feels financial stuff and thinks my intuition would ruin that. Strong need for security. Thinks my intuition doesn’t care about that.
I absolutely favor my intellectual side. I joke that Mr. Spock is my hero. Although I am fond of the positive emotions, I find the negative emotions messy and illogical. So I try not to have them. That weakens my emotional side.
My intuitive side was also intentionally suppressed. As a child, I was a writer, and I *lived* in the creative world. When I went to college I shut that down in order to be “normal,” because I didn’t trust myself to balance the two worlds. That, I think, is a major part of the trust issue that my intellect has with my intuitive side.
There’s a way to help fix this. Willfully transferring back and forth between the two. Condusive to do while walking. Let my intellectual mind think about what it would do, then switch to intuition, then back and forth and back and forth. Seeing the 2 of Pentacles. Good exercise to do with matters of house and home and money. Can partner with my intellect and intution.
This won’t happen quickly. Will have to consciously work on it.
I’m not a psychic turnip — just severely blocked.
LOL! This cracked me up. I refer to myself as a muggle, because I feel so psychically dead. I’m thrilled to know it’s a block, not a limitation.
If I overcome the blockage, there will be emotional repercussions. Will be a huge step for me. I’ll think of stuff differently than before. People around me will think I’ve thrown them curve balls; there will be conflict for a while.
Nephesch — I love children. Very strong love. Not sure if these are kids or grandkids, but there are 3 of them.
When he first said I love children, I thought, “Ooh, blew that one.” Then he talked about strong love of three individuals. These aren’t human kids. They’re my dogs. This almost brought me to tears, because I do love them — more than anything.
Overall I seem very balanced. The light comes straight from the top, turns sharply to the intellect, then down to the earth. Only imbalance is the pull to the intellectual.
Seeing a lot of energy focused between my soul and Tippareth, related to Sagitarrius. Keeps pulling off to the intellectual side. Doesn’t do me any harm, other than being out of balance. My Sagitarrian energy is strong. Sagitarrian energy is easy to get along with until you hit something really important to them.
That describes me perfectly!
I have that happy energy. Physically I have the bright smile, and I’m warm and welcoming. Expressed on that side in a wordy intellectual way. Either I or the people I’m with value my words more than emotion.
Also true. I’m a writer. I make my living with words. People value my logic and my words more than my emotions. I’m not the friend you go to when you need a shoulder to cry on and someone to commiserate with. I’m the friend who gives you the objective viewpoint.
The emotion is good and positive, but there’s some fear underneath of it. The emotional fear is losing emotional control. And that’s deep and it complements the intellectual side’s fear of my intuition. I fear my emotions being out of control. My emotions fear themselves being out of control — as part of that, they don’t trust the intuition because it takes them further afield than they feel comefortable with. So that complements the intellectual side’s fear, and they feed each other.
Damn straight. I’m a control freak, particularly about emotions.
The emotional issue comes from age 9, 10, 11. Standing in the front yard holding a toy that doesn’t look right. Like a slingshot. Small. Less to do with the toy than with the age. SOmebody tried to stifle emotions with me. Probably Dad. Maybe he was afraid of his little girl growing up. He sees my dad as a younger person; dad is spinning — like he’s both out of control and in control at the same time.
I’m not going to get into my dad on this blog, but I will say that Robert described it well here. It wasn’t a trauma that shut down my emotions. Instead I modeled my dad, who was, like me, an extroverted introvert. (Unlike me, though, he was spinning out of control internally.)
My upper personality is fine and very balanced. I radiate a lot of sun. Giving side seems okay.
My higher self won’t reveal what my primary job is in this life. Doesn’t matter because I’m going to find out anyway. I only have ONE obstacle: this disconnect between my intellect and my emotions and my intuition. A lot of my solar energy coming through anyway. Not a lot of blockages in me. The only thing blocking my potential is what he has been talking about.
WOW! That’s exciting.
He said he’s not sure if this is a gift or a curse: One of the things I can see in other people is when their situation just needs to play out. Like the hangman card. They just have to wait. I can spot those moments. Again, there’s a fear that I can see it.
I have a greater depth to me than I give myself credit for. When I get rid of this surface thing we’ve been talking about, I will have the ability to balance myself in four dimensions. The Tree of Life is pictures in 2 dimensions, but it’s 3 dimensions. But I have two trees of life, one behind and perpendicular to the other. This demonstrates the abilty to have a supreme balance between everything.
He wants to do a soul reading again once I fix the balance problem to see how I change. He’s not sure what the ramifications are — what will happen when I have access to that dual tree of life.
There will be emotional fallout to what I have to do, but the long-term upsides seem really good. Just not sure what that upside is.
How cool is that?
If he could describe me now, he would say I’m the Chariot Card. It’s drawn by sphinxes, but not going anywhere. It’s carrying the Holy Grail, but it’s just sitting there. I’ve created a cage of gold. I just need to fix that one thing to start moving.
The high levels of myself are very happy. Joyful soul people. Light everything. That’s one of my primary emotional impulses — enjoyment and happiness and joy of other people. Just a lot of happiness and fun to be around and copecetic and everything is cool.
He said he has no idea what Neptune means in Astrology, but I need to look it up. Seems to have a lot of influence on me — and has for lifetimes. Humongous influence. Bets there’s a connection between intuition and Neptune.
I looked up Neptune in Astrology this morning, and I found this on the Web:
“Neptune, God of the Sea, is the ruler of Pisces. In astrology, Neptune is considered a planet of inspiration, dreams, psychic receptivity, illusion, and confusion. Neptune rules spirituality, and all things subtle. A youthful, and sometimes naive, spirit characterizes those with a strong placement of Neptune in their natal charts.
“On the up side, Neptune is associated with intuition and spiritual enlightenment. As well, it is a planet of mercy and compassion. The more negative manifestations of Neptune include deception, trickery, deceit, guilt, and addiction.
“In the chart, the position of Neptune by sign will be shared with other people in the same generation due to Neptune’s slow movement in the heavens. By house, Neptune’s position shows where intuition, dreams, and psychic sensitivity come into play. Natives may be able to rise above the demands of the ego in the areas of Neptune’s influence.
“Planets that Neptune contact are often colored by fantasy and dreaminess, and a vulnerable nature that may be susceptible to disillusionment. Here, we find hope that is sometimes unrealistic, a poetic and intuitive outlook, and compassion.”
